the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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