Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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