we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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