Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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