i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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