i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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