do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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