just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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