I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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