mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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