Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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