How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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