she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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