Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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