He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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