Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize