Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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