Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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