Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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