that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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