I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize