Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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