I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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