At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize