you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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