dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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