i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
