are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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