So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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