you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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