I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize