So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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