how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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