Sry I called you an 8
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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