so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Did I show you my penis last night?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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