You smell like stripper and shame
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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