My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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