And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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