I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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