Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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