things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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