I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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