just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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