Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize