Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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