How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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