Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize