I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize