the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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