i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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