she looked like the before picture.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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