every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize